Cot death

It's not gonna be a happy post but I feel like I have to talk about it to someone...

I think I'll be going to the gp soon as I really struggle with sleeping since I dont have Niko by my side in a night. He sleeps much better, yeah and im happy about that. I also have a baby monitor with video so I can see him but it just isn't helping.

I am so scared of cot death! I hear all these stories like one girl her son was 8 months old and one day she just woke up and he just wasn't breathing anymore.. whenever I hear that, I just panic more... I can't imagine loosing Niko just without a reason... that's what cot death is! Just baby stops breathing without a reason... I always tell Andy to check if he's breathing when we are watching some movies etc but in a night of course is harder to check on him. I can't see if he's breathing on the baby monitor so again I panic! I can't imagine just waking up one day and my baby boy being gone.. it would destroy me.. it would simple kill me. I'm sure I would just loose my mind! Every time I go to sleep I just ask God to make sure that Niko is alive in the morning. That's all I want and that's all I need. No one deserves their babies to be taken away just like that.. Whenever I just think about it, my heart goes mad and I get really tearful :( . I hope time will go quickly to his 1st birthday so I don't have to worry about it anymore.. No one can tell me that it's not gonna happen as it can happen to anyone. It doesn't depend on anything! I want my boy to be healthy and to grow old with his future wife and to become grandad one day.. he has his whole life in front of him and he has to live through it!! It's just killing me the whole anxiety and thinking what if tomorrow... I can't live like that! But then again, I can't stop thinking and worrying.. He's my baby boy and it's my job to protect him. If I can't do that then what kind of mother am I! I hope gp can think of something to help me! :(

Sorry for the sad post.
Xxx